What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.