Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
All clover the world.
All things must grass.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
One more thyme.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
I beg your garden?
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Ants in your plants.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
It’s party thyme.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
I’m rooting for you!
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Your good weed for the day.
Trowel and error.
Leaf me alone.
One trick peony.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.