Nothing fishy here... it's just the world's largest fish pun collection!

Fish Puns

A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.