What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Potato puns are a-peeling.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
We’re a perfect mash.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”