Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call a singing laptop?
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.