My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.