Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.