Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.