How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.