Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
I think you're mer-mazing.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Wish upon a starfish.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Long time no sea.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Call me on the shellphone.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.