It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”