I like you, you croc my world.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"