When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!