What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.