When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.