What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!