Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.