How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
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