What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
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