What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.