What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Rock was magma before it was cool.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
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