Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
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