Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
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