What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
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