What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
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