Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
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