To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
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