So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
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