Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.