What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
Where do fish sleep? In a river bed
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Having a ball
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?
The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
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