We’re calling your number.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Having a ball
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Calm before the score
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Join us for plenty of play action.
The huddle is real
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
All punts are highly intended
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
The calm before the score
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Football is one habit I will never kick
The goal nine yards
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Give me some pigskin
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