[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Having a ball
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
We’ll have a ball.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Join us for plenty of play action.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
By the seat of one’s punt
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.