I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Football is one habit I will never kick
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I like your tight end
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Having a ball
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Case in punt
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I like big punts and I cannot lie
I made a snap decision to watch football today
By the seat of one’s punt
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
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