Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
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