Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
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