Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
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