How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.