Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
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