Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.