Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
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