Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
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