Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
Golf balls are like eggs…
They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
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