Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.