The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
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