A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
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