I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
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