Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.