What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Go to BabaMail
