A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.