How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.