Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.