Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Why do hitters find it so hard to be productive when they are indoors? They always work on an angle to play outside.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?
It was a superb_owl.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
Skier: Doc, I think I'm addicted to skiing at Loveland Ski Are
Shrink: You may be going down a slippery slope. Do you feel a divide?
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
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