What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
What type of stroke does a classical musician use when swimming?
The Bach stroke!
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
Prepare to be bowled over.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
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