Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
I like your tight end
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Give me some pigskin
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Case in punt
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
We’ll have a ball.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
We’re calling your number.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Having a ball
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
The calm before the score
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