Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Prepare to be bowled over.
I like your tight end
Case in punt
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Calm before the score
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Having a ball
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
By the seat of one’s punt
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
The goal nine yards
I feel tail great!
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
The calm before the score
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
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