Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Case in punt
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
The calm before the score
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I like your tight end
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Having a ball
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
All punts are highly intended
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I feel tail great!
By the seat of one’s punt
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
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