What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
We’re calling your number.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Give me some pigskin
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Case in punt
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
The huddle is real
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
I feel tail great!
All punts are highly intended
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Football is one habit I will never kick
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
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