If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Calm before the score
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I feel tail great!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Case in punt
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
The huddle is real
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
The calm before the score
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
We’ll have a ball.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
The goal nine yards
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
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