What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
All punts are highly intended
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
We’ll have a ball.
The calm before the score
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Prepare to be bowled over.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
The goal nine yards
Beauty is only pig skin deep
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Having a ball
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Give me some pigskin
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
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