I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I like your tight end
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
We’ll have a ball.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Give me some pigskin
Calm before the score
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
I feel tail great!
The goal nine yards
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Join us for plenty of play action.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
I made a snap decision to watch football today
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Beauty is only pig skin deep
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
By the seat of one’s punt
Football is one habit I will never kick
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
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