If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
We’ll have a ball.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Prepare to be bowled over.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Football is one habit I will never kick
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
By the seat of one’s punt
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
We’re calling your number.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
All punts are highly intended
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
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