Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Prepare to be bowled over.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
I feel tail great!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
The goal nine yards
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
We’re calling your number.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Calm before the score
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
I like your tight end
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Having a ball
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Football is one habit I will never kick
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
The huddle is real
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
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