Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Prepare to be bowled over.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Calm before the score
The calm before the score
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Give me some pigskin
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Football is one habit I will never kick
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Case in punt