By the seat of one’s punt
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Having a ball
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
The huddle is real
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
I like your tight end
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Calm before the score
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Football is one habit I will never kick
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
I made a snap decision to watch football today
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Case in punt
All punts are highly intended
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
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