I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
I like your tight end
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
By the seat of one’s punt
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
We’re calling your number.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
The huddle is real
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Calm before the score
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
The goal nine yards
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
The calm before the score
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Case in punt
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