Calm before the score
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
By the seat of one’s punt
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
We’ll have a ball.
All punts are highly intended
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
I like your tight end
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Join us for plenty of play action.
Case in punt
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
I made a snap decision to watch football today
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
I feel tail great!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
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