Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
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