Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
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