Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
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