If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.