What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
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