What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
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