What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
If trees could kill you, they wood.