What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
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