I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
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