Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
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