What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.