Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
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