Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
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