What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
If trees could kill you, they wood.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
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