What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
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