Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
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