If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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