Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
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